You Want to Get Married I Know a Friend...

Hi there,

Place Setting for One

Have you ever been one of these ladies that your mother would say, 'so you want to get married I know a friend...my friends son". Growing up I heard this a lot. My friends mothers would bring over their young adolescent sons to see if they could would want to marry me. Oh my God, how I hated those family get togethers. It happened time and time again. Only for my mother to feel rejected every time.

Such old school stuff I would think. I knew that God had to have a better plan for my life, then marrying someone I didn't love let alone didn't know. Many different nationalities or cultures still believe in this tradition. It is the difference between marrying someone you love and loving the one you married. Either way it doesn't mean you will be successful at it. In marriage it takes more than just love. It is a balance of love plus commitment, plus communication. Communication means you have to be able to talk through the problems to get to the solution.

Get this. Now I am divorced and I hear... I know the perfect man you can have sex with. As if that is going to solve anything. Who will provide for me. Who will take care of me when I am old. While I was married then man I was married to was not my mom's favorite choice for me. Now I am divorced I shouldn't be without a mom.

In my youth, I thought God has to have something better for me. I choose to become a college graduate just in case. Now that I am the new...."whatever the trendy word is for the age I am in" I think who wants to start all over. If I didn't need a man in my youth, do I need one now? They all have issues at my age. Baggage so to speak.

I congratulate you on your desire to become wed. I respect your choice. I also appreciate and the choice to be single. You don't have to be married to be happy. There is a point where you just want to learn to be single again to make choices for yourself your business. I honestly would prefer you stay out of my business. It's called RESPECT! I respect your choice, respect mine. Here are some tips to know you are ready for marriage.

Marriage Is for Two

1. You are both in sync about faith, religion or culture.
2. You both feel called to, or lead to stay in the relationship.
3. The relationship looks like what you imagined for both of you.
4. The relationship is more than just about sex. (AKA booty call)
5. Your communication skill with each other is gentle, kind and loving.
6. There is no and I mean NO physical , emotional or spiritual abuse.
7. You can both equally share in the responsibility before you.
8. You feel safe and secure with me. ( You can trust him visit and know he won't steal from you.)
9. Know the reason why you want to get married. Is it security, love, money, etc. Knowing the truth about yourself, helps you to have integrity in your relationship.
10. Relationships all look different don't compare yourself to another.
11. Never get married thinking you are not good enough.
12. Loving who you are is thanking the God who created you. Who let you be born in the first place. Even if you didn't have the ideal childhood, mother or father. There was a Sovereign God who allowed you to be born therefore you are a value, and precious in the eyes of God.